I am creating this post not as an update but to reveal more about myself. This post is entitled “Life After Loss.” I chose this title because I feel that it’s appropriate for what I’m about to say.
As many of you know the year 2015, in general, was a tough year. I lost my Great Grandmother in July, I lost someone in August, and I unexpectedly lost my cousin Sharva to the Texas Tornado in December. For me that was one loss too many! After the second loss I began to spiral into a depression but the death of Sharva made me feel like I lost ALL control! I started doing things that put my life in danger just to comfort myself. I stayed in my dorm because I didn’t want to do anything or see anyone unless it was Jasmine.
Before I lost my cousin a friend of mine, Jasmine (I call her Jasi), suggested I see one of the councilors at my school since it is free. I hesitated at first because I don’t open up to just anyone but I decided to do it. It may have taken me 10 minutes to walk through the doors but I did.
Once I started seeing my therapist in October I felt some relief but I still had my wall of emotions built high to the sky. It wasn’t until January 2016 when I returned from Winter Break after my cousins funeral that I finally tore down that wall & let out every emotion I’ve felt for 7 months. I cried for the first time in front of my therapist and I didn’t feel bad about it. I finally showed that I was vulnerable.
After that therapy visit I felt a cloud of relief shower over me. One thing that stuck with me from that day was the word CHANGE! Not only did my therapist use the word often during that session but Jasmine had used the word often as well when I talked to her about things.
From that day I decided to make some POSITIVE CHANGES! For starters I continued therapy and I began going to an Expressive Arts Group which helped me determine the emotions I was truly feeling and to determine my deep inner thoughts. I began to go to something called “Pinterest Night” at my school where you can just be creative through ideas on Pinterest. I gave the one thing that I used for comfort to Jasmine because I finally seen the harm I was truly doing to myself. From then on I don’t look at that object the same.
So throughout this process a few words have stuck with me. One of the words is CHANGE! I learned that no matter how many negative changes occur in my life I have to be willing to make some positive changes to match them. STRENGTH; No matter what happens I have to have strength because without it I can and will be easily defeated. VULNERABILITY; Sometimes it’s ok to be vulnerable because it shows the world what you are feeling on the inside. And last but not least SELF; After dramatic experiences you have to take time to yourself so you can rediscover yourself and better yourself.
I can say that it has been a tough road but I’m not going to allow what has happened to affect me. I’m going to continue to better myself because there is always a brighter side to things. There are people who are always there willing to help you better yourself. And there is always joy after every corner if you go searching hard enough!
“Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss the future.”
~ John F. Kennedy